Involuntary Connections
by Les-Gateaux
Summary: Atobe and Sanada's constant bickering annoys everyone...and when they go too far, they suddenly find themselves handcuffed together for the rest of camp. SanaAto
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: 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 (Convert from hexadecimal to text to read…math has taken over my mind…)

Well…I felt in somewhat of a strange mood…so….um…anyways, this takes place at the Junior Invitational camp thing…

Demigods

Atobe was talking in his sleep.

Sanada, in a singularly uncharacteristic movement, barricaded himself against the sound with as many pillows as he could conjure up. Unfortunately, they didn't help; he could still hear his roomate mumbling something about 'seme' and 'uke'. The noise was bad enough without having to hear the content; Rikkaidai's fukubuchou growled softly and flung his blankets over his ears, as well.

The diva's voice increased in volume. Perhaps it was just Sanada's imagination, but Atobe's smile seemed to have grown mildly evil. He rolled over, facing the wall, and tried counting sheep.

Instead of sheep, the narcissist's face appeared in his mind, and Atobe's voice boomed in his ears: "Sorry, but ore-sama owns all the sheep, and doesn't feel like letting you count them."

Sanada summoned all his willpower and forced himself to remain in bed instead of strangling Atobe. Instead of sheep, he counted Seiichis, and fell asleep at one thousand and sixty four.

* * *

"What are you _doing_ in there?!"

Atobe's outraged yells were sweet to Sanada's ears. After having a total of four hours of fitful sleep last night, the vice-captain was ready for revenge.

"I'm taking a shower, what else?"

"For three hours, you peon?! Ore-sama needs to appear perfect, which means styling hair, which means using the bathroom, which means you have to get out! _Out!_"

Sanada yawned. "The water feels really nice, you know."

"Sanada!" Atobe sounded like he was about to cry. For a minute, the other boy felt a twinge in his heart that may have been pity – or heartburn; it was often difficult to separate the two.

At any rate, the feeling soon passed. "Look at the time," Rikkaidai's fukubuchou remarked calmly. "If you're not down to breakfast in five minutes, Atobe, you'll have to do a hundred laps." He walked out of the bathroom, perfectly groomed, and headed for the door.

Atobe hesitated before storming after him, murder in his eyes.

Oshitari stared as his captain entered the dining hall. Normally immaculate hair was tangled and limp; dark circles appeared under silver eyes. "Atobe…were you fucking Sanada the _whole_ night?"

If Ohtori hadn't intervened, the tensai may have very well lost his life when Atobe sprang. As it was, Ohtori and Shishido restrained Atobe while Oshitari escaped.

"Come on," Shishido muttered, pushing Atobe into the nearest chair, where the diva promptly buried his face in his arms. "You don't look that bad. All right, so you have tangles in your hair for the first time in your life; it's not the end of the world."

Ohtori tried being helpful. "Yeah! If you ignore the huge bags under your eyes…and the blemish on your cheek…and your limp hair…then you look perfectly normal!"

"Choutaroh!"

"Sorry." The younger boy winced as Atobe slammed his head into the table before standing, seizing Shishido's carton of orange juice, and stomping off.

Shishido growled. "See, now he's stolen my juice!"

"I'll share with you," Ohtori offered immediately.

"Thanks, Choutaroh." _He's so sweet…_The two of them smiled sappily at each other, Oshitari calmly stealing the forgotten orange juice.

The peace and quiet was abruptly shattered by an outraged shriek coming a few tables down, where Sanada suddenly found his hair dripping juice.

There was utter silence for all of about five minutes.

Kirihara snickered.

"_What the FUCK do you think you're doing?!_" Sanada screamed.

Yanagi gazed curiously up at the vice-captain. "…interesting. It seems another person has been added to the list of people who can make Sanada lose his façade. Now the list contains Seiichi and Atobe…"

"I don't know. Maybe my hand slipped from fatigue. I barely slept at all last night, due to your snoring-"

"_Me, snore?_ You're the one who talks in your sleep! I got four hours of sleep last night! _Four hours!_"

Atobe scoffed. "Yeah, and snored through all four."

Sanada took a deep breath, seeming to calm down, despite the juice dripping down his shirt. He gazed quiescently at the orange stains, looking perfectly controlled, before leaping for Atobe's throat.

The three coaches ran in, hearing the commotion. Tezuka latched onto Atobe('s ass, but that was perfectly unintentional), and tried prying the diva off Sanada, who was likewise being restrained by Sakaki. Hanamura, looking seriously pissed that her advances towards both the other coaches had been interrupted, reached into a pocket of her coat with an evil glint in her eyes.

"I have had enough of this!" she snapped. "From now on, you two will do _everything_ together until this is resolved. I mean _everything._"

Both boys turned to stare at her. "What-"

"Hold out your wrists."

They did as they were told, still looking utterly bewildered.

She pulled the item out of her pocket. Before anyone could react, there were two clicks, and she was smiling again, patting the silver handcuffs as she tucked the key into her jeans. "There." Turning to Sakaki and Tezuka, she asked, "You don't mind, do you?"

"I don't mind, as long as you don't tell me where you got those from," Sakaki replied coolly.

Tezuka blinked in silence for a while. "…I didn't see anything."

"Good." Hanamura beamed, and the three coaches once again left the hall.

* * *

"Stop blocking the way!"

"It's not my fault you can't play doubles!"

"It's not my fault there's an idiot chained to my wrist, either!"

The two boys broke apart, glaring. Atobe was severly impedimented – after all, his right wrist was chained, and he wasn't quite as good with his left. Still near-perfect, of course, but not as close to attaining divinity.

Fuji raised an eyebrow. "Ano…should I serve?"

"Go ahead," Sanada snapped, at the same time that Atobe growled, "Hold on."

"Um." The tensai tossed the ball up and down a few times.

"Serve!" Rikkaidai's vice-captain called.

"Don't!" was Atobe's reply.

Oshitari shrugged at the beseeching look the other tensai tossed him. He was still trying to conceal his laughter, which was probably why his playing had been quite poor. Nothing as bad as the opposing team's, though…

Fuji served, watching the ball hit the net. He smiled at his partner's confused expression. "This way, they're both pleased," he explained.

"You call that a serve?"

"I said not to serve!"

"Or not," Oshitari replied wryly.

The blue-eyed boy sighed. "Saa…well, Atobe wrecked Kuni – I mean, Tezuka's shoulder, so I guess I'll serve." This time, the ball flew cleanly over the net.

Sanada raced towards it, thus knocking Atobe to the ground.

"Not good," Oshitari murmured as his captain stood, blood trickling down from a wound made by a rock.

"Sorr-" Sanada began.

Atobe touched his forehead delicately and pulled away crimson-stained fingers. His eyes widened. "You…"

Rikkaidai's vice-captain winced. "I didn't mean to…"

"You…" The diva made a noise similar to whimpering. Except Atobe never whimpered, so it must have been high-pitched growling.

"Are you all right?" Fuji asked, worried, but was duly ignored as the wrath of Atobe Keigo crashed down upon Sanada's head.

"_You ruined my perfect complexion, you BITCH!" _

Cue the leaping and wrestling. If Atobe had not been chained, Sanada would have been dead. As it was, Atobe, straddling the other boy's waist, managed to half-choke him before being pried off by Oshitari.

"I don't see how this is supposed to cultivate friendship," Fuji murmured.

Oshitari shrugged. "I'm sure Hanamura thinks they'll fall in love or something." (Atobe kicked him, but the kick was pretty much rendered ineffective because Sanada was in the way. Not that that caused Atobe to hesitate, of course.)

"That would be quite amusing."

There was a short pause.

"I like you," Oshitari said. "Let's be allies."

"Allies? For what?"

"To make Atobe and Sanada as miserable as possible."

Fuji smirked. "Gladly."

* * *

"Sorry," Atobe purred, spilling half his udon over Sanada's shirt. "I'm not very proficient at using my left hand to eat." (It was probably the first time he'd admitted to not being perfect.)

"Sorry," was the prompt reply, as Atobe's entire tray was tipped onto the diva's shorts. "I'm not good at controlling my temper around egotistical, arrogant narcissists."

"Sorry," Atobe snapped, throwing Sanada's glass of cranberry juice point-blank into his companion's eyes. "I don't like repetition."

"Ow!" Sanada's hands instinctively flew up to rub at his eyes. This naturally resulted in Atobe's arm being jerked up as well, at an angle that probably wasn't helpful to the Hyoutei captain's wrist.

Said captain winced. "Stop that!"

"Ready?" Fuji hissed to the other tensai.

Oshitari nodded, holding up a large pitcher of…something.

"I personally don't see what's so vile about this," Fuji remarked, sampling the Inui juice appreciatively before slipping half of it into Atobe's glass of wine.

Sanada finally cleared his vision enough to realize just why his partner was sounding rather pained (Atobe's wrist was twisted practically 180 degrees) and dropped his hand. "I think we both need to change. Let's go."

"Not until I finish my wine," Atobe replied nastily, and drank deeply before spitting it out all over his partner's face. "What the hell did you do to my Pinit Noir?!"

"My eyes!" Sanada screeched again.

The two of them stumbled in the vague direction of the door. Ryoma stared at the two insane tensai. "You…"

Fuji smiled innocently.

"You saw nothing, Echizen. Nothing at all."

* * *

"Hanamura-sensei?"

The red-haired teacher turned to see Sanada and Atobe. "Yes?"

"How…how do we…um…"

"Sleep?" Atobe finished finally.

Hanamura blinked slowly. "You have beds. Use them."

"But…" Sanada gestured to their locked wrists.

"So use one bed. Does it matter? They're not being taken off until you two stop fighting completely."

"…one bed?" Sanada echoed faintly.

Ten minutes later, Atobe had managed to knee his partner in a place that no male liked to be kneed.

In response, Rikkaidai's fukubuchou grabbed the diva and tried slamming his head against the wall.

The bickering – mainly kicking and strangling from both of them – lasted until someone coughed softly. The two of them paused to blink up at Fuji and Oshitari.

"You…might want to lock the door," Hyoutei's tensai murmured.

Fuji, too preoccupied in taking pictures (thank Kami-sama for digital cameras) merely muttered "Smile!"

The two rivals blinked at each other. Due to their fighting, their faces were around an inch apart, their legs were entwined, and they were sweating slightly.

It looked like they'd been….

…they'd been…

…Atobe shrieked and flung himself off the bed. "You perverts!"

Watching as Sanada and Atobe began fighting again, Fuji shook his head, sighing. "Don't you think…?"

Oshitari nodded fervently. "They are so going to be fucking by the time camp is over."

"Young love is so violent," the other tensai replied wistfully. After installing a few videocameras in the room – the other too were too preoccupied to notice – they slipped out again.

In the middle of the night, Sanada opened weary eyes to see that Atobe was snuggled securely up against his chest, presumably for warmth. The diva looked utterly innocent, despite the fact that he was a terror when awake, and Sanada found himself almost smiling.

He wrapped his (free) arm around the other boy and closed his eyes.

* * *

"Chips?" Oshitari offered.

The two of them were watching TV. Or, rather, they were watching the footage from the videocameras in Sanada and Atobe's room.

"Nah. It's getting a bit boring, now that they've gone to sleep. I guess I'll leave now." Fuji stood, shaking back his mane of honey-colored hair.

"Going to Tezuka's room?"

"Yeah." Fuji smirked. "See you in the morning."

Oshitari waved, sighing as he watched the other tensai go. He turned back to his laptop.

It was time to begin photoediting. After all, if he was supposed to create a giant picture of Sanada and Atobe being…naughty (cough), he needed to get to work.

_Poor Atobe…_

* * *

I had a really bad day. As in screwing up auditions in orchestra for the third year in a row. So if the humor deteriorated halfway through the fic, sorry.


	2. Allies

Disclaimer: Tenipuri…not…zzzz….(and yep, the previous disclaimer really was hexidecimal code. Yay for math geekiness!)

Um. Wow. After another month or so of not updating, I've whipped out one quick chapter, and will once again not be updating after that. Anyways, just got back from a 2-day math competition in Boston, and am rather stressed out. Will not be talking in complete/coherent sentences. Have writer's block. Sorry. Plus another math competition in two weeks. Damn.

Actually, the only reason this is being written is because I wrote the crackiest thing ever on my livejournal, and now feel like being mildly sane…

Involuntary Connections

Chapter Two – Allies

Silver eyes opened slowly and peered into chocolate brown ones. Atobe made a noise of deep content and snuggled closer to Sanada's chest.

There was a pause, during which images were being processed in both boys' minds.

Needless to say, everyone on that floor was annoyed but not necessarily surprised when they heard two shrill screams coming from a certain room. Atobe and Sanada tried bolting to opposite ends of the room before realizing that they were connected, and therefore couldn't flee from each other.

It took them a moment to remember the events of the previous day, and another moment to scream again, and one last moment to collapse in despair.

* * *

Sanada crossed his arms. Actually, he placed one arm in front of him, while the other was slightly detained by Atobe's, so he ended up looking like an utter idiot. But that wasn't the point.

"No."

The diva hissed. "It's not that hard. You stand outside the stall while I take a shower, and then we can change positions."

"You can't take off or put on a shirt with the handcuffs on," Sanada pointed out tactfully.

Hyoutei's captain sputtered for a bit, finally letting out a wail of such profound and loud anguish that Sanada's eardrums were almost shattered.

They ended up compromising. Atobe washed his precious hair without removing his shirt – as he'd stated, "after all, everyone wants to see ore-sama in a wet t-shirt" – and the other boy waited impatiently, trying not to breath in the disgustingly pungent herbal fragrances the diva used. Curious, he lifted a bottle and inspected it.

_Herbal Soothing: 2/16 steps. Now that you have finished thoroughly cleansing your roots, you should move on to the tips. Remember, to make your hair look the best, four hours each morning are needed! _

…four hours?

Sanada tapped the diva's shoulder. "You…don't plan on staying there for four hours, do you?"

"I most certainly do. Ore-sama needs to be in the best of conditions every single day."

Rikkaidai's vice-captain yanked on the chain.

Due to the suds covering the floor, it really wasn't that hard to force Atobe out of the bathroom, where the narcissist stood seething like a wet cat – which, after all, was what he resembled. He looked even more like a cat up close, which was something Sanada got to experience as Atobe leapt at him.

The door opened. Oshitari took in the proceedings immediately and jumped, knocking into his captain and managing to deflect his course just enough so that Atobe ended up face-to-face with the other boy.

…or, more accurately, mouth-to-mouth.

Fuji clicked. And clicked again. And clicked again. His finger could almost be labeled as spastic at the rate that he was taking pictures. And, of course, the videocameras were recording the whole thing.

_Sweet, _said Sanada's subconscious.

"Die!" said Sanada. He wasn't sure whether he was speaking to his subconscious or to Atobe. At any rate, the word was rather muffled, but it gave him enough incentive to pry off the other boy, who seemed to be in a state of shock.

Fuji lowered his camera, looking mildly disappointed. "Hey, you two. Let's go down to breakfast together."

Atobe seemed rather confused, probably because he couldn't decide between murdering Oshitari and Sanada. Both seemed like a good option. Unfortunately, Fuji was in the way, and hurting the tensai would incur Tezuka's wrath, which was never a good thing.

At any rate, he sullenly agreed to breakfast, and the four of them started towards the dining hall.

There was an unusual amount of chatting and whispers going on as the four boys entered. The reason was disclosed as the crowd of people parted to reveal a gigantic, larger-than-life size picture of Atobe and Sanada, shirtless and panting, in the middle of their bed. The sheets were conspicuously rumpled, and Atobe's eyes were half-closed.

"You have no idea how much photoediting I did last night," Oshitari hissed, and Fuji laughed.

Atobe's voice rose about an octave. "_What…is…that?" _

"How scandalous," Fuji replied, with a perfectly straight face and monotonous voice. "Who could have done such a thing?"

"It's so horribly degrading to you two," Oshitari sympathized. He had a bit more trouble keeping a straight face, so he looked like he was about to burst into tears, but that didn't matter.

The other tensai sighed. "The things people do nowadays…"

"I offer you my condolences," Hyoutei's prodigy remarked.

"Look, there they are!" Kirihara called, waving wildly. "Hey, Sanada, didn't know you had it in you!"

Yanagi was in a state of shock, twitching and muttering something about 'Data malfunction'.

Shishido was laughing, despite Ohtori's efforts to make him shut up, because the Atobe Glare of Doom was being directed towards them again.

"Quiet!" both the new tabloid-inducers of the camp bellowed. Each of them directed evil stares at opposite ends of the room.

"I want to know who did this," Sanada hissed.

"_Now,_" Atobe added.

The room was utterly silent. Slowly, every hand pointed towards Fuji and Oshitari.

"Traitors," Fuji muttered, and considered shooting laser beams from his eyes before realizing that he was supposed to keep his hidden powers secret. He grabbed Oshitari's hand and ran, trying to escape.

Unfortunately, it was then that Tezuka and the other coaches entered, and Fuji lost valuable time by stopping in his tracks, running a hand through his honey-colored hair, and winking at Tezuka before bolting away.

Atobe and Sanada didn't really care. They barreled past the coaches, who were all engrossed in gaping at the picture – "My, I didn't think it'd work _that_ fast," Hanamura muttered – and dove, grabbing the tensai's legs and pulling them down.

Oshitari's head hit the floor hard. When he came to a second later, he found his captain sitting on top of him, a perfectly affable smile on his face. Atobe's tone was quite cordial, too. Speaking in a voice that could have been used in any 18th century tea party, the diva purred, "I'm going…to kill you."

"No thanks, I'll pass," the tensai blurted out, before realizing that Atobe was _not_ talking about tea. He glanced at the other prodigy for help, except that Sanada was blocking his line of sight. From the squeaky noises emitting from that direction though, it sounded like Fuji was being choked by a calm, collected, murderous vice-captain.

Luckily for both tensai, Ryoma – late for breakfast, as usual – passed by, blinked at the scene, and muttered something about an orgy before letting out his usual 'mada mada dane'. This sufficiently diverted the other boys' attention long enough for Oshitari and Fuji to escape. Even so, they wouldn't have made it if Ryoma hadn't caught sight of The Picture and spat out his Ponta across the floor, which basically made it impossible for the other two to regain their footing.

Oshitari, leaning against the door of his room, panted something along the lines of 'that was close.'

"That was fun!" Fuji chirped cheerfully, flicking his long hair over one shoulder.

"Are we going to be doing this every day? Because I really don't think I'd be able to take it."

The other tensai shrugged. "You have no stamina. Practice with Gakuto a bit more."

"Practice with Gakuto? What do you mean…?" Oshitari blinked. "Hey! Not everyone is like you and Tezuka!"

"Really?" Fuji had the grace to look astonished. "That's surprising."

Hyoutei's prodigy seethed. "Did you think that all tennis boys in middle school were gay or something?"

"Yeah, that sounds about right." Fuji opened the door and peered outside. "Hmm. It's all clear. Should we go now?"

"Go where?"

The blue-eyed boy smirked. "The _request, _remember?"

Oshitari's eyes lit up. "Right."

* * *

"Why are we playing you two _again?_" Atobe snarled.

"Saa…" Fuji sighed melodramatically. "Do you…not _want _to play with us? Atobe-san…I'm deeply wounded."

Sanada's eyes narrowed.

Oshitari grinned. "Actually, you two are stuck playing us for the rest of camp. Since we're the only ones who can provoke you, Hanamura-sensei is interested about how well you can play when you're angry."

Four words ran through Atobe's and Sanada's minds.

_The…rest…of…camp…_

Sanada stood in shock. He wished he had his prized katana with him, although he wasn't sure whether he'd prefer killing Atobe or Oshitari. Either way, he didn't have his sword, and was thus at a loss as to what to do.

A few minutes later, Fuji and Oshitari were leading four games to zero, and Tezuka had his face in his hands.

"Look," Fuji called across the court, "it's quite easy to tell where you're hitting the ball, since you're always aiming at our faces. Sanada-san…it's not an invisible swing when it's being hit to the same place every time. I could stand here with my eyes closed and beat you two!"

"Your eyes _are_ closed," Tezuka pointed out.

"…good point." The tensai tossed down his racket. "You two aren't worth my time. Oshitari could beat you with one hand tied behind his back."

The other prodigy blinked at him. "Um…"

Fuji pulled out a length of rope and calmly tied one of Oshitari's hands behind his back. "There." He turned to the other two. "Prove me wrong, why don't you?"

"Oi…" Oshitari flexed his wrist. "Do you always carry rope around with you?"

"Only when I'm near Tezuka," Fuji chirped cheerfully, and bounced off to sit near said captain.

To make a long story short, Sanada and Atobe refused to stop hitting the balls directly at Oshitari's face. However, due to rainwater on the ground, Oshitari slipped, and was hit straight-on. He was thus rendered unconscious.

"There. We _did_ prove you wrong…Eurgh!" Atobe whirled around, gazing pointedly in the opposite direction from Fuji.

Sanada blinked at him. "What's wr…" There was a thud as he collapsed, taking Atobe with him.

Fuji glanced up from where he was doing things not usually done in public. "Hm. Seems like it's a tie, since everyone fainted. How disappointing."

The taller boy ran a hand through his hair. "You do realize the reason that they fainted, don't you?"

"No, why?"

Tezuka sighed and pointed to the ground.

The tensai tilted his head. "…what's so strange about that?"

"Fuji…"

"Yes?"

There was a long pause as Tezuka's eyes flickered from the ground to his boyfriend's face. "Most people...don't make voodoo dolls out of cacti and wasabi."

"Why not? It saves time. Since it's cacti, I don't have to poke any needles in or anything…"

"…" Tezuka said nothing, blinking at the Sanada and Atobe cacti dolls on the ground. He tried to ignore the…certain position the dolls were in, but his subconscious stubbornly forced two words through his mind.

_Cacti sex…_

"Um," Tezuka said, and decided to join the other three on the ground.

Fuji paused. There were four hot boys lying in the middle of the tennis court, unconscious.

He considered his options.

And grinned.

* * *

Ok, and the updates will once again stop, sorry. May post a few things on my lj, but that's about it. Um. -Song 


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